26 Aug 2010

A whinge for a rainy day

I have to confess to being on a bit of a downer today. This recovery thing is definitely not all smooth sailing and sunny skies. Not being hungry and not obsessively counting calories frees up a hell of a lot a head space to take a long hard look at your life and, frankly, I'm not sure I like what I see. At school, I was a straight-A student, the lead part in plays, editor of the magazine, head girl etc etc. People predicted good things for me and, to be honest, I did too. My struggles with eating should perhaps have been a hint that being a high-flyer was taking its emotional toll, but I believed I was a sharp, committed, ambitious person who would go far. Since graduating, however, my attempts at a career have been little short of pathetic. I find it hard to commit to whatever I'm doing. Whenever I get anywhere along one path, I become anxious that it won't work out or that it's not the right thing for me. I'm not sure if this has had anything to do with my eating, although I have heard a few other people with EDs mention that they too struggle with indecisiveness. Any thoughts?

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