25 Feb 2011

Powerful Beyond Measure

I'm a reader. I'll read anything and everything, from highbrow literature to gossip mags. Why? Because every now and then you come across something that expresses something you've always know deep down but never really realised you knew. Someone else manages to put into words what you've always dimly known but never explicitly understood and suddenly your eyes are opened to what you'd secretly known all along. That happened to me today when I read this poem by Marianne Williamson:

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson
This is one of those poems that will inevitably have different, very personal meanings to each different person who reads it. For me, it had a lot to say about anorexia. By starving myself, by focusing on food and weight instead of on life, realtionships, joy and my inner self, I was preventing myself from reaching my true potential. I'm sure that had a lot to do with how afraid I was of my true potential: my potential to be happy, my potential to be successful, my potential to live a joyous and full life. The line that I like best is 'We are born to make manifest the glory of God within us'. Thinking about it like that inspires me to get better and live the fullest, richest, healthiest life I can.

20 Feb 2011

Musings about Cheese Cake

I just found a recipe online for a 100 calorie 'fake' cheese cake (non-fat cheese, sweetener, applesauce, all blended together with no baking.... you know the deal). I was so excited, until I realised it would have no crust. The crust is my favourite bit! Well, from what I can remember......the last time I ate cheese cake must have been almost a decade ago. It was then that I realised that real cheese cake was what I really wanted.  According to 'Intuitive Eating' if I want the cheese cake now, I should eat it now (if, of course, it's available) and the last thing I should do is try to cheat by eating 'fake' cheese cake which will just leave me feeling dissatisfied and denied.

But I have to admit that I'm just not there yet. So instead I made a promise to myself that one day I will eat real cheese cake again, even if just once.The problem is that, at the moment, I can't imagine when I'll be able to make 'one day', today. And yet the idea of denying myself even just one slice of cheese cake forever seems absurd! What a silly thing to forgo in life, afterall! Will I go to my grave still craving and denying myself cheese cake? With my last breath will I think, 'Wow, I sure wish I'd eaten some cheese cake once in a while!'. I certainly hope that, if I have regrets, they're more meaningful than that.