28 Dec 2010

The Whole Sausage

So, now that the festivities are over I have a loaded question to ask: did you enjoy Christmas? Like most people who have had or still have an ED, I have a love/hate relationship with the festive season. I love getting together with my family, I love crowding around the Christmas tree and I adore getting and giving presents. But ultimately there's no getting away from the fact that a lot of Christmas is all about food. Lots and lots of food. Rich food, creamy food, meaty food, stodgy food. Whereas most of the year you can get away with refusing something that's out of your comfort zone with the old 'I'm not hungry'/'I'm trying to be healthy'/'I just don't like that' excuses, at Christmas excuses cease to be socially acceptable. You just HAVE to eat. And this year, for the first time in years, I wanted to. I really did. I desperately wanted to be normal and enjoy Christmas in a normal way, but I just couldn't quite break the old habits. I've made some progress, but I'm still not able to completely let myself go and quit restricting for just one day. I ate a few chocolates on Christmas afternoon but ended up 'compensating' by  refusing canapes later; I said 'yes' to a chocolate biscuit on boxing day but then didn't allow myself a snack when I was hungry later; I took a sausage at Christmas dinner, but only ate half. Still, given that my last few Christmases have been well and truly sausage free, I guess half a sausage is kind of progress. Perhaps next year it'll be a whole one. Here's hoping! 

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