21 Jun 2011

I wish......

I often find myself obsessively wishing that food wasn't such an issue in my life. But when I stopped to imagine what I would change about myself if I had a magic wand, I realised there would be lost of contenders, many of which are not directly to do with E.D. (although they may have been part of the underlying cause of my E.D. in the first place). Here are just a few:

I wish I could stop obsessing about food and calories.
I wish I could eat spontaniously.
I wish I didn't care so much about what other people think of me.
I wish I was warmer and friendlier.
I wish I could be more spontanious and relaxed.
I wish I wasn't so concerned about how I look.
I wish I had more energy.
I wish I had more confidence.
I wish I wasn't so afraid of confrontation.
I wish I was better at speaking my mind.
I wish I was less sensitive to criticism.
I wish I was better at admitting my vulnerabilities to others.
I wish I was better at asking for support.
I wish I was happier and less prone to depression.
I wish I was more optimitic.
I wish I didn't worry so much.

Looking at this list, it occurs to me that maybe food is not the real problem. And that may be, just may be, I won't find the answer in food either. I'm not suggesting that I should abandon my eating plan or anything, but I think I need to start to acknowledge that an eating plan will only help me eat better. It won't solve all my deeper problems. 

If you had a magic wand and could only change one thing about yourself, would it be your E.D.? Or would you be torn between that and other things?


  1. I feel you on these wishes. I share a lot of them. I think it is really important to realize though, that some of these things are things that don't have to be the way they are! Food doesn't have to be a source of anxiety and guilt, and can be just food. Yes, it will take time, but you WILL get there, I know you will :)

    And don't be too critical of yourself. I know, I am too, I wish I could do this better, I wish I didn't react to that in such a way, but the truth is, we are what we are! And there is no need to change your beautiful self :)

    Stay strong!


  2. Wow! I wrote something very similar to your wishes a few days ago.