6 Jan 2011

Can you have a boyfriend when you're still recovering from ED?

I've been seeing this guy for a few months now, and I feel like it's about time we moved from 'dating' each other to 'being in a relationship'. Setting aside the (glaringly obvious) issue of whether he feels the same, I have my own qualms about it. I want to make a concerted effort to eat more healthily and take care of my body and meet its needs (as my New Years resulotions show). But I worry, if I put on weight, will he still fancy me? When we met, I was still pretty thin.  If he fancied the skinny me, will he also fancy the healthy me? Perhaps skinny is his type and curves will turn him off. The fact that I'm having these worries put me off getting more involved with him, as I'm concerned that the worries will escalate if we get more serious, and throw me off track with my healthy eating. I know that AA members aren't supposed to start new relationships until they're sober. Maybe ED recoverers need a similar rule. On the other hand, maybe I should just try not to worry, and try not to let my issues with food effect what could be a potentially good relationship. Afterall, part of ED recovery is committing to not letting your relationship with food dictate the rest of your life. What do you guys think? Is it possible to get into a relationship before you're fully recovered?
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3 comments:

  1. Haley7 January 2011 at 05:14

    My situation is different because I had been with my boyfriend for around 8 months before I started developing an eating disorder, but I think that it IS possible to be in a relationship while in recovery. My mom's an alcoholic, so I understand the AA rule; but I don't feel like it's the same with this..
    Also, my boyfriend loved me when I was super skinny and he loves me now that I have gained X pounds. I was worried the same way you are that he seemed so attracted to me when I was thinner, but in fact he thinks I'm much sexier now that I have more curves, a healthy looking face, and overall a better attitude! Life is so much better without ED! Don't let it hold you back from opportunities like this and others!
    <3

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  2. grits7 January 2011 at 05:46

    Hi! First timer to your blog! I wouldn't worry too much. If he's anywhere near as strong of an individual as you are he'll love you for your personality no matter what you look like! Personally, I can see both sides. I can't tell you how much help it's been for me to have an accepting boyfriend who loves me for who I am and has supported me throughout all my struggles. However; I was once with a boy who always commented on loving how my ribs stuck out and such. It was triggering. Just use your judgement and you'll be fine!

    Hay.

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  3. Beyond This15 January 2011 at 13:43

    Thanks for your advice guys! you both sound very lucky in your boyfriends. Here's hoping the luck rubs off for me, now that I've officially decided to give the new relationship a try.

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